My emotions have led to destructive behavior and I want to change it. Tone down my emotions.
I will practice to never worry when someone puts me down. I should only do what I can to succeed, and to be a better person that God wants me to be.
Bear in mind what your NCLEX lecturer told the class: "You know who your true friends are when they don't walk out on you during times of tension and crisis."
Be patient. You will have the man you want and remember that: "When God is going to do something wonderful, He begins with difficulty. When He is going to do something miraculous, He begins with an impossibility."
When things are shaky, arm yourself with words from the Bible.
Do not worry if there are people (and even the U.S. president) who are slowing your goal to work in America. Just study hard, take the exam and pass it.
Maximize your strengths and learn from your weaknesses.
Discrimination: It is a sociological term referring to the treatment taken toward or against a person of a certain group that is taken in consideration based on class or category. The United Nations explains: "Discriminatory behaviors take many forms, but they all involve some form of exclusion or rejection. [Wikipedia]
Employment Discrimination: It is a discrimination in hiring, promotion, job assignment, termination, and compensation. It includes various types of harassment.
At the time of the Hitler, there was persecution and genocide of the Jews. In 1860 and even way before that, African Americans were enslaved. The Native Americans who lived in America for 15,000 years were also enslaved and discriminated. Muslim terrorists are bombing innocent civilians because of their hatred against the Christians.
Why am I discussing this?
I'm discussing this because racism, persecution and bigotry are still very much alive today as it was in the past. I confess that many years before, I used to be prejudiced against people who did not have the same opinions as myself, and I used to fight fire with fire in debates about something I believed in. But now, I have learned my lessons and recently, I have learned to be careful distinguishing between Muslims and Muslim terrorists. It is true that these terrorist acts have invoked some kind of anger in me. After all, these terrorist acts are not just affecting one group of people, but they are targeting even innocent civilians.
But I digress. That was merely an introduction to what I learned today.
I just found out that it is almost next to impossible to tell if someone is being genuine to you, or just being pretentious.
There was this girl. A few months ago, we became friends in Facebook. I was the first one to add her because she seemed really interesting. I found out that she's a teacher. She's also a lover of literature (which was the main reason I wanted to get to know her better), an avid photographer and she loves to travel to different places. Recently, I had some problems with a guy I love, and since they were both friends, I went to her for a little help. I've learned in life that it's often a good thing to have a fellow female whom you can confide in when it comes to "girl stuff" and that is why I turned to her. Her first response was empathetic. I responded back, still quite upset and sad and her response turned cold. Her responses seemed quick, like she wanted to get rid of me. She also told me that I have to move on and that I shouldn't bother coming back to her with my problems. I then explained my side, telling her that she shouldn't act that way because I really just wanted her to listen, that's all.
Again she responded. And this time, she was not only cold, but she discriminated me, questioned my motives for going to California and finally told me that it wasn't personal, but it was just politics. She said I didn't need her friendship, and that she will block me if I ever talk to her again.
Her exact words were, "I would prefer if an American citizen got a job before an immigrant so that they can better stimulate our economy and democracy. It's not personal, it's just politics."
At this, I began to question myself on the sincerity of people and what they claim to be.
Fact # 1: Are teachers really practicing patience? All throughout my days as a student, I have encountered teachers who were good or bad in teaching their subjects. I have encountered teachers who were so strict, it almost gives you a nosebleed. I have encountered teachers who were motherly. But most of all, most of the teachers (if not all) I've had in school have been patient teachers. I think that like all professionals, patience is a very big requirement. After all, if you lose your patience, you'd lose your clients. I do not doubt that she is good at what she does as a teacher, but if one loses patience, I don't think people who are in this profession should continue with this job. Granted, we are not best friends and we haven't been friends for long and granted she may have found me annoying or she is probably too busy to even listen to me, but the very fact that I wrote to her specifically means I valued her, her time, her care, her patience. But no. I guess I'm just a piece of paper she can crumple up and throw away when she feels like it.
Fact # 2: Denying materialism but still embracing it. The moment she referred me as her "Facebook" friend, meant she didn't really see me as her friend. She pretended to be my friend. That was why she was able to delete me immediately with just a simple mouse click. She said that she wanted to move to another state because she was tired of California's materialism, but the very fact that she just referred to me as nothing more than a "Facebook" friend means she was not sincere in being my friend.
Questions:
What exactly is your definition of a true friend?
Why is it that so many people today are carelessly throwing away friends by "blocking" or "unfriending" them with just a mouse click?
Is that all that we are? Replaceable people?
Why are we so fond of using social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace or Xanga when the only people we interact with are the same people we see everyday? What happened to "social networking"?
Is sincerity so long gone that when it comes to making and keeping friends, we are only more interested in the number of friends than in the quality and genuity of friendship?
If we consider ourselves as "true friends" to our friends, why is it so easy for us to become petty by building up walls to keep our friends away just because they did something you didn't like? Why is it easy to block or delete or not talk to them instead of confronting the issue and finding ways to gain common ground?
Fact # 3: What does it really mean to be an unconventional Christian? Her attitude of this whole thing makes my jaw drop in disgust. I can usually tell when someone is deflecting because they always turn the issue away from their actions and hurl it towards you. I believe that she is a good person. I also believe that she is just one of those people who have no time to listen to others if she doesn't care for them much. She's one of those who only give time and effort to people who are in her circle, but if you are not in that circle, she will treat you with impatience and the cold shoulder. There's a saying that goes: "True character shows in the midst of tension" -- and hers really showed. My letters to her have been polite and I never even gave her cause to be discriminated this way. Just because she was annoyed that I poured out my problem doesn't mean she should treat me this way.
Fact # 4. Um, citizenship doesn't mean you own the whole continent. It's true - she is an American citizen. However, her physical looks are nowhere near "American" because she is European-Vietnamese. I now believe that I really was nothing to her. That when she added me as her friend, it was more out of a facade than anything else. I was like a political guinea pig to her. She also needed to update herself on world history very badly because hers is very screwed up. She really has no right to discriminate me because even if I am not an American citizen, she also isn't an original American. I remember in world history - the Native American Indians (e.g. Cherokees and Iroquois) are the original Americans, but because they were enslaved and maltreated, they are now a minority in America.
Again, this is what she said, "I would prefer if an American citizen got a job before an immigrant so that they can better stimulate our economy and democracy. It's not personal, it's just politics."
She questioned my motives in going to California because she thought I was just going there for a guy, and not because I really wanted to seek a job there. I think she has forgotten that while she may be an American citizen, she's not actually American. She's ASIAN - just like me. Well, she's half-Asian, that is. I won't post a picture, but her face is very Vietnamese. This person who is also an Asian is the same person who is discriminating me and telling me I am not welcome to go to California -- because according to her, American citizens are better at propagating and stimulating the American economy and democracy.
I now ask: If she actually thinks that an American citizen can better stimulate their economy and democracy, then why is America no better than any other country in the whole world? Why is America still in the dumps, morally, socially, economically and democratically?
Another thing she has forgotten: There are thousands of Filipinos living in California. There are even Filipino stores there, and there is even a Filipino channel. If no one will believe me on that, I can ask my aunt there who is living there with her sons and grandchildren. I am aghast by this display of obvious bigotry. To top it all off, she was once even an immigrant. I don't believe that a European-Vietnamese girl just came to America without once being an immigrant herself.
Lots of immigrants are America's nurses, caregivers, teachers and babysitters, farmers, construction workers and waiters in restaurants. And this might be just politics to you, J, but it is personal to me. I have been sincere and honest with you and you just pretended to be my friend.
But I forgive you because I know you don't know what you are doing. You're just being mean that's why you said it.
This whole thing has really invoked some reflection on my part on the kind of people that we all are.
Leviticus 19: 17 Do not bear a grudge against anyone, but settle your differences with him so that you will not commit a sin because of him. Do not continue to hate him, but love your neighbor as yourself.
Proverbs 25: 15 Patient persuasion can break down the strongest resistance and can even convince rulers.
Proverbs 27: 17 People learn from one another, just as iron sharpens iron.
1 John 4: 18 There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out all fear.
2 Corinthians 11: 1 I wish you would tolerate me, even when I am a bit foolish. Please do!
Galatians 5: 13 Let love make you serve one another.
Ephesians 4: 2-3 Be always humble, gentle and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another. Do your best to preserve the unity which the Spirit gives by means of the peace that binds you together.
Colossians 3: 8 But you must get rid of anger and hateful feelings.
Hebrews 11: 1 To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.
James 5: 16 So then, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you will be healed. The prayer of a good person has a powerful effect.
Revelations 3: 2 So wake up, and strengthen what you still have before it dies completely.
I wonder how long he's going to keep quiet and ignore me. I hate this game of immaturity. I'm 24 after all.
I miss him. What we were before. Carefree, trusting, loving, perhaps even hints of flirting (or was it just me?) I won't give up on this person.
Almost everyone I know are either in a relationship, engaged or married. I haven't even started.
What exactly is he waiting for? The door is ajar. ___
I'm almost recovering from Mumps. Ugh. One side of my face just bloated that led me to miss a week of my state board review. FML.
I haven't even checked Xanga in ages now.
[Edit] I'm listening to Indie songs....while doing something nice for my Myspace page. Juno, Garden State and House series have the best Indie soundtracks. And I have the best 661 songs in my collection. Beat that!
___
I just realized I am so sure of my goals in life, but life is not sure for me back.
"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." – William Somerset Maugham
...I am hopeful. And I hope I won't lose hope, ever.
True
